Good Guys

Throbbits

Throbbits are funny little buggers with pointy ears, big feet and hairy palms (which they must shave regularly). They live in gopher-like holes beneath the 19th hole of the Westshire Golf Course and their main village is called Throbbiton. They spend their days tending to their Throbbit mounds, reading Hairy Pooter books and tormenting the preppy golfers by stealing their balls to make jewelry out of.

A small enclave of poor Throbbits reside in the White Trash Throbbit Trailer Park on the other side of the golf course fence where these lower class creatures enjoy guzzling paint primer, selling leaf on the streets and watching goblins fight on the Tommy Benzedrine Show.

Dweebs

Dweebs live primarily underground in their parents’ basements surfing the internet, playing computer games and comparing hard drives. A large commune of Dweebs reside in an enormous cavern full of T1 lines called Murray’s Basement.

Humans

The humans of Muddle-earth pretty much do what any other pseudo-medieval people might do. Drink ale, slay dragons, bed maidens, yadda yadda yadda….

Elfises

Elfises are full of soul and rock ‘n roll. Modeling their lives after The King, their city of Rippendell has a whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on. Their interests include hip swayin’, guitar strummin’ and lip curlin’.

Another Elfis clan resides in the Tupperwoods where the newage Gladwrapriel dwells with her outcast Weebler Elfises who help her bake the vegan cookies. She also is the keeper of the All Peeing Pool.

Bad Guys

Nosedrool

With their large protruding honkers, The Nosedrool are the security guards/bill collectors of Dork-mart who sniff out derelict debtors. Originally in pursuit of the deadbeat Bobo Buggins, they now seek out his nephew Frudo in order to retrieve the One Ring of Boundless Credit.

Dorks

Dorks are the minimum wage minions of the Dork Executive Mauron who do his evil chain store bidding. They are known to bludgeon with brooms, grapple with garden hoses, wreak havoc with rakes and ask “May I help you?”

Sporks

Sporks are the creation of the wizard chef Sweetandsourman who runs the Kentucky Fried Dragon. By mixing various ingredients—including a black chicken, a black chicken egg and a spork—he was able to bake an entire army to seek out and retrieve the ring for Mauron so he could rule the Dork-mart food courts forever.